What is Love? (Baby, Don't Hurt Me)

     "Have you ever been in love?" someone asked me recently.
     And I didn't know the answer. What does it mean to be "in love"? Does it mean to really, really like someone? Or is something totally different? What is the distinction? I really don't get it.
     Today, I'm going to talk about my concept of love. Many of you might not agree with me. In fact, you probably won't. But, since here I'm simply penning things I think, I'm going to do just that.
     I think love is love. I don't believe in soul mates or one true love. Yes, I believe that God has a plan for our lives, but to me, that just means that whoever I may choose to marry, they were the one I was meant to marry. I don't think there's a perfect person waiting out there for everyone, or anyone. I don't believe in a better half.
     All love is the same in a way, and for love to be love, it must be 100%. Many times, what we call love is not love at all, but simply infatuation or lust. There are different types of the same kind of love, and that it takes a lot more than butterflies to make a relationship work.
     Imagine a child asking their mother, "Do you love me or Daddy more?" Well, ideally, that would be a question with no answer. The mother loves them both, but in different ways. She can't say she loves one more than the other because she truly loves each of them. When you love someone genuinely, there are no degrees. It's a wholehearted, 100% love. That's just one girl's opinion. Yes, as imperfect human beings, we aren't going to be able to keep that 100% up 100% of the time. But as we grow, our moments of actual love become more often and more consistent.

Carl and Ellie - "Up"

     You can feel that for more than one person - in fact, you probably should.You should wholeheartedly love your family, your friends, and to be fair, the random stranger on the street. You should love every single person on the planet because that is the life to which we have been called as people filled with love. As a Christian, it's my goal to love everyone with that wholehearted, 100% love. I don't want a 50-50 relationship. I want 100-100. Both people giving their all. Obviously, I don't do this perfectly, or even well. But it is my goal. Now, there are definitely different kinds love. There's parental love, there's the love of friendship, there's the love you show to strangers, and there's romantic love. I really don't think we should so foreground romantic love above other kinds of love. All this hype perpetuated by the media creates this image of romantic love as the answer to all life's problems. If you've ever experienced romantic love, you know that no romance can fill a hole of loneliness, nor can it complete you in any way.
     I think that romantic love is simply a self-sacrificial attitude towards mankind in a romantic context. Which means that you can love someone 100% as a person, and if you have romantic feelings towards them, that's love.
     So, why are we so scared of saying, "I love you"? If you have a boyfriend, you are usually pretty assured that he has romantic feelings towards you. Why wouldn't you want to also be assured that he has your best interests at heart? I know a lot of Christian couples who are so serious about their purity, and that is really admirable. But I really don't understand the ones who are saving the words "I love you" for their spouses. Love is choosing to put the well being of another before yourself. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love me, would you? Why would you want that?
     I don't believe in "in love." If by "in love," you mean strong romantic attraction, then yes. I've been in love. I'm going to be in love a lot of times. I think that being in love isn't as big of a deal as people say it is, to be honest. Having butterflies is the easy part. If you meet someone, and you decide to engage in a romantic relationship, it's going to be someone you not only feel for romantically, but someone you respect, communicate with well, trust, and want the best for.
     It's totally possible that the reason I don't understand "in love" is that I haven't felt it. Maybe it's the type of thing you know when you feel it. But I don't think so. I think there will be a lot of romantic loves in each person's life. It's exciting and fun, but the truly special one is the one marked by the choice of commitment. That's it. The soul mate is the one you choose. And despite the fact that my view of love might seem cynical and unromantic, I think that my kind of love is a lot more special and real. It means you can't miss the person you were meant to be with, because if there's a person made for you, it's is the person you choose.